Emotional Overeating Part 2

This response is from Nick Frye:

Hello! I am so sorry that you weren’t happy with my recommendations. I’d be happy to try and clarify a few things because if this is a struggle for you them I truly want to help.

So, it appears we are talking about two separate things here. This blog post deals specifically with how to deal with those overwhelming urges we experience to overeat in the face of negative emotions with the three step process of viewing those urges as essentially meaningless (because those urges are only your brain trying to maintain an unhealthy habit), separating or detaching yourself from those urges (another way to think of this would be to view these urges as ocean waves and instead of being out in the surf trying to fight them, you’re observing them from the safety of the beach), and not reacting emotionally to those urges such by getting frustrated or upset because we have these urges (to clarify, I do not mean not emotionally reacting to your emotions).

However, it appears that your challenge is not necessarily dealing with the urges to overeat but dealing with those unpleasant and uncomfortable emotions you experience. Is this right? If so, then this is a whole different ball of wax. Dealing with negative emotions directly is not about ignoring, suppressing, controlling, or eliminating them as that only serves to make them more intense and distressing! However, this is how we’ve been taught to deal with our emotions… for example, someone might tell you “Don’t feel sad.” But… that’s how I feel! Or we might have learned to just keep busy in order to distract ourselves from how we feel. But… that only works temporarily! Or perhaps we try to think our way out of feeling bad by saying to ourselves “You shouldn’t feel bad, you know how many other people have it worse that you?” But… that only makes me feel even worse! The challenging and difficult thing about dealing with negative emotions is that we have to learn how to actually experience them as opposed to trying to avoid them or make them go away. This is often called ‘acceptance.’

Acceptance means opening up and making room for painful feelings and sensations. You can learn how to drop the struggle with them, give them some breathing space, and let them be there without getting all caught up in them, or overwhelmed by them; the more you can open up, and give them room to move, the easier it is for your feelings to come and go without draining you or holding you back. You don’t have to like or want these feelings – you just make room for them and allow them to be there even though they are unpleasant. Once this skill is learned, if these feelings should resurface, you can rapidly make room for them and let them ‘flow on by’ – so you can invest your time and energy in doing meaningful life-enhancing activities, instead of struggling. This takes practice!

Here’s an acceptance technique that you might find helpful, it’s called “The Curious Scientist.” When you’re experiencing a negative emotion notice where the feeling is in your body. Zoom in on it. Observe it as if you’re a curious scientist who has never encountered anything like this before. Where does it start and stop? Is it moving or staying still? Is it at the surface or deep inside you? Is it light or heavy? Observing the negative emotion allows you to experience it without getting overwhelmed by it.

For example, here’s what I do when I experience anxiety. I notice that my anxiety is in my stomach. I zoom in on it. It stays in my gut region but it swirls and gurgles around deep in my stomach. It feels very heavy and nauseating. I observe and allow this feeling to be there. I let myself experience it and show myself compassion reminding myself that this is a normal experience. Then I bring my awareness back to what I was doing.

Okay, I hope this response was helpful for you and that it helps to clarify my blog post as well. Should you have any further questions please feel free to write another comment. Thanks!