“If I’m not perfect, then I have failed.”
“Either I do it right or not at all.”
“If I’m going to cheat then I might as well go all out.”
Have you ever found yourself thinking any of these thoughts or perhaps something similar? That something is either good or bad, right or wrong, black or white? If so, then you are caught up in what is known as “all-or-nothing” thinking which can seriously damage your sense of self, well-being, happiness, and relationships.
All-or-nothing thinking can significantly impact your ability to lose weight and get healthy, as well. Think about it… If you believe you have to follow your plan perfectly or else you’re a failure, then what happens if you make a mistake? If you believe that you have to be an incredible athlete the first day you walk in the gym will you ever start exercising?
Losing weight and getting healthy is about creating healthy habits. It’s a way of life, not a quick fix. Healthy thinking habits are a huge part of this equation. So, how can you overcome all-or-nothing thinking? Well, by developing healthy thinking habits! Here’s how you do it.
Albert Ellis, PhD (an American psychologist) developed a model for healthy thinking called the ABC Model which refers to three components of experience in which a person can determine if his or her thoughts are unhealthy and then change those thoughts. The A is the activating event. This event is the one we encounter. The B is the belief, that is, what you believe is the truth about the event. The C is the consequent emotion. These are the feelings that you experience as a result of the event.
Here is an example:
The Activating Event: You check your weight and haven’t lost anything this week.
The Belief: I’m such a failure.
The Consequent Emotion : Anxiety and depression.
In other words, the activating event triggers a thought that we believe to be true, and the consequence is that we become anxious and depressed because we have a negative view about ourselves and very little faith in our own capability. On the other hand, someone else who is confronted with the same situation may react in an entirely different way.
For example:
The Activating Event: You check your weight and haven’t lost anything this week.
The Belief: Although this isn’t result I wanted, I know I did my best.
The Consequent Emotion : Disappointed, but confident things will get better.
The difference between these two scenarios is how we perceive ourselves.
According to Ellis, some people make very hopeless interpretations of their experiences. Therefore, these people tend to be down more often and struggle to change their unhealthy behaviors. Some people, on the other hand, seem to be able to assess most situations in a manner that rarely makes them experience the extremes of negative emotions. They just seem to be balanced emotionally most of the time. This type of thinking can be learned and practiced until it becomes a habit!
This is done by recognizing your all-or-nothing thinking and then disputing and changing those thoughts which then leads to a new, healthier emotional state. The easiest way to do this is to change your all-or-nothing thinking to preferences. For example, if you say to yourself:
“I have to be perfect or else I’m a failure.” Change it to: “I’d strongly prefer to be perfect but I know that I’m human and I will occasionally make mistakes”
This will lead to a completely different and healthier emotional state! Here’s another example:
“I should have made a healthy choice instead of eating that ice cream.” Change it to: “I would have preferred to make a healthy choice but I accept the choice I made and will do better next time.”
Developing healthy thinking habits like these helps you to have a more realistic view of life. In turn, you’ll experience a deeper acceptance of yourself and greater satisfaction with your journey to a healthier life. And remember, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” – Epictetus
