In most parts of the country July is known for scorching heat and for people asking the question “Hot enough for ya?” But today we’re not talking about how to keep cool when the temperature rises but instead when your temper flares or when you’re feeling stressed out.
Here’s a very brief mindfulness strategy for dealing with unhelpful thoughts, feelings and urges that arise when you’re feeling overwhelmed by a difficult life situation such as an argument with a coworker or having too many responsibilities. We call it the Mindful Pause, or S.T.O.P.
Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment, with openness and curiosity. When we are mindful, we don’t get pushed around by our self-doubts, our anger, or our fears. Follow these steps the next time you are faced with a difficult situation.
Slow down
Sit with your feet flat on the floor, your back straight, and your eyes closed. Focus on your breathing and observe it as if you were a curious scientist. Slow, deep breathing lowers the level of tension in your body. It won’t get rid of those unpleasant and unruly thoughts and feelings, but it will provide a center within you. It’s like an anchor in the midst of an emotional storm.
Take note
Notice what is happening in the present moment. What thoughts, feelings, or urges are you experiencing? What is your mind telling you? What would happen if you buy in to what it’s saying and follow its directions?
Open up
Make space for those thoughts, feelings, and urges. Don’t ignore them or argue with them. Simply acknowledge them. Nod your head in recognition as you would a stranger on the street. Bring your attention back to your breathing.
Pursue values
Ask yourself, “What kind of person do I want to be right now? How do I want to behave in this situation?” Now go do that!
This simple pause will help you act like the person you want to be. Try it the next time you experience self-doubt, fear, anger, self-judgment, urges, or any other unhelpful thoughts and feelings. It can take as little as 20 seconds, but it can make a big difference in your ability to act in a way that is consistent with your core values.